Be Anxious for Nothing

I believe that God only gives us what we can handle, but to be honest I didn’t have ‘mental health’ in my vocabulary until I was in my 30’s. Handling something that you know nothing about means taking things one step at a time. The fact that mental health issues existed within the generations prior to my own, specifically in the women of my family, has made it so very important for me to share about my experience since it was not spoken about very often when I was going through it as a young mom. But before I share more, let me take you back to my pre-teen years.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34 ESV

I didn’t understand why I was sad, withdrawn and not interested in living life at the age of 12. I didn’t know how to handle the big life changes I was going through and along with poor self-esteem, puberty, moving to a new city, and going to a new school and church, it was all too much. Looking back now, when I felt alone through it all I can say that is the opposite of what I should have felt. Whether or not anyone else stood with me, my faith in God helped me more than anything else to get me through those years. Clearly, God brought me through those times and gave me a lesson to share. While I didn't share the pain I was feeling with anyone at the time, and I managed through it without telling anyone, I wish I had handled things differently and had reached out for help.

I honestly didn’t have a real understanding of mental health until my mom told me one day that she had been very depressed ever since going through her breast cancer battle and that she was taking medication to help her situation. She was 60 and I was 30. I appreciated her sharing this with me because I didn’t see her as anything but a strong woman who had just kicked cancer’s butt (17 years later she’s still cancer free). She had already dealt with Crohn's Disease for nearly her entire life, and now this? It was hard to wrap my brain around.

I was appreciative of the fact she shared with me not only the fact she felt like mental health medication was the right thing for her, but that her mother had also had issues with mental health during her life and what it meant to her to be affected by it as her daughter. I knew my feelings of anxiety and overwhelm as an adult had always been there, but as I got older it seemed to become more and more difficult to overcome. I was in my early 40’s by the time I was willing to ask for help. I talked to my doctor and began taking medication that helped greatly reduce my anxiety and depression, but not before trying 2-3 medications that did not fit me. Taking the wrong medication for you is often worse than not taking it at all. But the right medication can make a huge difference in your mental health, especially how you see the world and treat others. Every person can make the decision for themselves, whether you choose to go the route of medication or something else, there is always an answer out there. Just start the process by talking to someone.

A few years later, as a mom to a rebelling teenage daughter, we became really concerned about her emotional state. It was far beyond teenage angst and hormones. I didn’t want to address it as a mental health issue, and I found excuses instead of answers. We focused on the fact she had a serious concussion during volleyball camp the summer she finished her Sophomore year that elevated the brain issues so much that her education was impacted and she struggled to complete her Junior and Senior year in high school.

We spent time with counselors, psychiatrists, brain therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists and doctors when she should have been focusing on her high school experience. What we didn’t do right away was address what got her to this point emotionally. She would only talk to the counselor and psychiatrist about it. She was harming herself, giving into peer pressure and overall struggling with decision making.

One thing I want to be open and honest about is how as a high schooler she was hanging around with kids who didn’t come from the type of family she was raised in. She began to look to others for her self worth. She developed friendships with girls who ended up being the most hurtful bullies in her life. She found herself in a relationship with a boy that didn’t come close to being the right guy for her, and emotionally affected her to the point she was afraid to break up with him in fear he would harm himself.

This went on for a couple of years, and during that time we felt she was so far away and disconnected from us. These are not excuses, this is the reality. I strongly believe that the household environment plays the largest role in how a child develops, both good and bad. I wish I could have had some experience to draw on for understanding what she was going through, but this was a whole different level than what I felt and experienced as a teenager.

For several years we fought over petty things that brought extreme reactions out of her. So much so that she harmed herself when she got really angry. I don’t need to go into details to say that the self harm element is one of the things that makes parents feel the most helpless. You can’t separate your child from themselves, and when they hurt themselves you can’t always be there to intervene.

I am grateful for the Christian Counselor she first opened up to and then for a Psychiatrist that helped her get on medication that was able to assist in controlling her emotions. Thankfully, over a few years, she made such huge improvements that she went off the medication and found a confidence in herself that I wish every young lady could have. It's truly beautiful to see.

I hope and pray that anyone who has a child struggling with mental health issues has someone to talk to outside of the family. That is an element that I feel is crucial to their growth. Finding the people they can trust and removing those from their life that they can’t trust is imperative. If you or a loved one need help with mental health struggles, please reach out to a trusted individual who can assist. You are not alone and you are valued.