Beyond the Walls: Lessons from a Life of Building and Renovating

In 25 years of marriage, my husband and I have purchased for remodel or newly built a total of 13 homes. Eight of those were for us to live in, and five were investment properties we rented out. We’ve also built three homes from the ground up, with the third one being the one we just finished. While I’d love to say this is our forever home, I’ve learned never to say “never.”

If you’re about to embark on building or remodeling a home, I’ll be the first to tell you—it’s a journey. Some parts are thrilling, others exhausting, and occasionally, it will test your patience (and your marriage). But with the right mindset and preparation, it can also be one of the most rewarding experiences.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned through years of building, remodeling, and navigating the ups and downs of creating a home.

1. Expect Delays, and Then Add a Few More

No matter how perfect the timeline looks on paper, delays will happen. Weather, supply chain issues, or last-minute changes can throw things off track. Instead of getting frustrated, build in extra time and flexibility.

Mindset Shift: Focus on progress, not perfection. The delays will be forgotten once you’re enjoying your beautiful new space.

2. Choose Your Battles Wisely

When you’re making hundreds of decisions—from paint colors to cabinet pulls—it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Not everything requires deep debate. Decide what matters most to you and let the smaller choices go.

Pro Tip: If your partner wants a say, let them win a few. Harmony in your marriage is worth more than the perfect backsplash.

3. Budget for the Unexpected

Building or renovating will almost always cost more than you planned. Whether it’s upgrading materials or fixing unforeseen issues, surprises will come up. Add at least 10-15% to your budget for those “just in case” moments.

Reminder: Stick to your priorities. It’s easy to get swept up in upgrades, but keeping your long-term goals in mind will save you from overspending.

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Whether it’s with your contractor, builder, or spouse, clear communication is critical. Don’t assume everyone knows what you want or what’s most important to you. Put things in writing and double-check every detail.

Lesson Learned: If you don’t specify the size of the island or the direction a door swings, someone else will decide for you.

5. Keep the End Goal in Mind

When you’re knee-deep in decisions or dealing with construction dust everywhere, it’s easy to lose sight of why you started. Regularly remind yourself of the joy that’s waiting on the other side of the process.

Practical Step: Create a vision board or keep photos of design inspiration to stay motivated.

6. Involve Your Family (Within Reason)

Homebuilding and remodeling affect the whole family, so involve everyone in age-appropriate ways. Let kids pick out colors for their rooms or choose a special feature, like a play nook. This creates excitement and ownership in the process.

Caution: Avoid giving too much input power to your kids unless you’re prepared for neon green walls or rainbow tile!

7. Savor the Creative Process

Homebuilding is one of the few opportunities to bring your unique vision to life. While it’s easy to get bogged down in logistics, don’t forget to enjoy the creative side—designing spaces that reflect your family’s style and needs.

Encouragement: Trust your instincts. It’s your home, and it should feel like you when it’s finished.

8. Prepare for Stress and Lean on Grace

Building or renovating is exciting, but it’s also stressful. There will be moments when you feel overwhelmed or even question if you made the right choice. Give yourself—and your family—grace during these moments.

Mantra: “This is temporary, and it’s worth it.”

9. Fellowship Over Finishes

At the end of the day, a home isn’t about shiplap walls or quartz countertops—it’s about the memories made within it. Don’t lose sight of the purpose of your home: a place for love, connection, and rest.

Perspective Shift: Imperfections make a house a home. Focus on creating spaces where people feel welcome and loved.

10. Celebrate the Milestones

Whether it’s the framing going up, the countertops being installed, or the final walk-through, take time to celebrate each step of progress. These small victories make the process feel less overwhelming and more rewarding.

Final Thoughts

Building or remodeling a home isn’t just about creating a physical space—it’s about building memories, learning patience, and growing together as a family. While it can be challenging, it’s also an incredible opportunity to create something meaningful and lasting.

If you’re about to begin or are in the middle of the process, know this: you’ll get through it, and the result will be worth it. Take it one step at a time, lean on God’s grace, and don’t forget to enjoy the journey.

With love and a whole lot of grace,

Julie

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