A Season of Big Changes and an Unsettled Life

Are there times in your life when things appear to be going just fine but underneath it all you feel unsettled and unsure why? Being a self-declared control freak, I can say from experience that when big life changes occur it dismantles any sense of so-called control. It’s been a year since a handful of big changes began to disrupt the life I was comfortably living. I am beyond grateful for these events in my life but I sure would have loved to feel a little bit of that control I previously believed to exist. Who knew getting more unsettled and uncomfortable was what it would take to find peace and contentment? Definitely not me. I hope you enjoy my blog post A Season of Big Changes and an Unsettled Life.

The first big change came with the decision to buy property in a nearby town for a future ‘someday’ home build. We loved the home we had built 7 years prior and couldn’t imagine leaving it, but the real estate market was in such a pivotal place we knew we had to take advantage. We knew the sale of our beautiful custom built home on 10 acres near Farragut, TN was right for our family. God sent a young family to live in the home that we knew was bigger than what we needed. What we didn’t have was the timing perfectly laid out and we’d need a temporary place to live since the house sold so quickly. More on that later.

As if the decision to sell our home wasn’t enough of a life change for one season, I was in a place in my career where after nearly 20 years I was ready for a change. Being one who wanted to control everything, I had a timeline in place and a plan in writing for how I saw things happening. We would sell our home, move into the new build, then I’d make the career shift. Well laid plan, right?

Let’s just say that my timeline must have made God laugh. He knew I would likely linger on the decision for too long and question if I was making the right choices, so he made the career change happen FOR me and it was quick. Like I woke up one morning and a 15-minute Zoom call later I was facing a new reality. No full time role existed for me anymore. I think God rushes us through changes in life in the same manner of “ripping off the bandaid” when we need it the most. At least for me that’s sometimes the best way through.

The new home construction and upcoming move was a needed distraction. I spent six months decluttering, donating, sorting and packing up our house while also selecting new home plans and working on all the details that go along with it. We were taking in a new adventure and I was getting excited. The quick sale and 28-day closing of that home we loved meant we would be spending several months living in our RV on the land (see photos above) where the new home was going to be built. We were also moving a lot of animals – Goats, ducks, chickens, koi fish, dogs, cats, a rabbit – and it was hot and sticky summer weather to boot. What a fun time for all (not really).

The day before closing on the house we had sold I had a brutally raw breakdown. The four weeks of long days preparing the house for inspections and resolving the list of remedies requested by the buyers built up to a moment in the driveway where I absolutely wanted it all to stop. I was ready to cancel the closing and move right back into that empty house. But we made it through that difficult day and the closing the next day went pretty smoothly.

All of these were things we were having to trust God to lead us through. Some were exciting while others were painful. When we made the property purchase in a nearby small town where we planned to live in our camper for “a few months” over the summer while we built a new home, we didn’t know how all of it was going to really go. We didn’t take into account all of the circumstances that would cause the process to take longer than we had expected. Here we are, almost surely to be living in this state of transition - in our fifth wheel travel trailer - for at least half a year. Here we are, still discovering this new path God has led us on, so very different from the last 20 years.

I find it difficult to put into words why I feel grateful for this current path but also struggle through it because there are many new experiences and some big changes all converging at one place in time. I feel so blessed for the flexibility of slowing our pace of life. But if you know me, you know I am not one who is all that comfortable with a slower pace, an open calendar or an unplanned day. I am motivated by a to-do list and a schedule. I love being busy and accomplishing a lot. I wake up wondering if I should be doing more with my day. Don’t get me wrong, I have several passion projects that keep me going. I love having the opportunity to challenge myself with learning new things and building a new future for myself and my family.

I have learned a lot about myself this last year and where my value truly comes from. I’ve been able to participate in several bible studies that previously I would have said I was too busy for. My concept of control over life was closely connected to my ability to stay as busy as I could doing the things I planned to do. I had not yet realized my value wasn’t determined by how gracefully I handled life or my to-do list. There were times when my self worth was based on what others thought of me, or based on how much I could accomplish in some way or another. So many times over my 20-year career I correlated my worth with my job performance.

I wish I had the ability to tell every person that their worth is not measured in what others think or feel about you. I hope anyone that measures their self worth and value based on a position at work remembers that if you died today your role would be filled by someone else by Monday morning. It’s important for you to realize your value goes far beyond what you do for a paycheck. It goes far past what an annual review says of you. Your value is far higher beyond what we can humanly comprehend. Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” God has you in a certain position in life for a purpose, but it’s not your only purpose.

Living a life pleasing to God while not knowing exactly where he is leading can be difficult. Showing gratitude and praise to Him while wondering why things are the way they are is not easy. Remember that God has a plan for each and every one of us. If you are still breathing then He’s not done with you. I try to remind myself that God must have seen something in me that needed to change and he directed my path toward something more pleasing to Him. Don’t ever doubt God’s direction for your life. Trust and pray that He leads you and that you have clarity in His will for your life.