Happy Anniversary, Mommy

On January 22nd of 2023 I celebrated my 20th anniversary of motherhood. I don’t know if that’s even a thing, but if we celebrate work anniversaries and marriages, then parenting deserves its own celebratory moment also. Seeing my oldest child turn 20 was so much more impactful to me than when she turned 10, 13, 16 or even 18. I still see her as my little girl who loved art, swimming, and the Jonas Brothers. I see her innocence and wish we could return to those days. But I am a realist, and I know she’s been through more than enough worldly challenges to have lost so much of that innocence.

Those three kids are the absolute loves of my life and make everyday worth living. It’s easy to say that all we want as mothers is to see our children happy and healthy. But there’s so much more to it. We want to know that we have instilled into their hearts a sense of confidence that they can trust their own instincts and not rely on the opinions of others. We hope they have learned to trust themselves and believe that they will walk away from any situation that they find themselves in.

This recent photo is of our kids, Jacob - 17, Jordan - 20 and Jozie - 10. If you find yourself in a place of seeing your child turning into someone you don’t recognize, it’s important to understand that kids are trying to find themselves and their independence, but the result of that is them saying and doing very hurtful things. I can’t tell you how many times one of my kids has unknowingly hurt myself or their dad with their words or actions. But in most circumstances they did not intend to hurt us and also were unaware of the hurt they inflicted.

One such example would be the use of insults hurled at us as their parents. We knew from others that this particular child behaved and respected others away from our home, but while at home under the safety and security they felt, they let loose and didn’t hesitate to express some of the most hurtful words we’ve ever heard. Things you would not want to hear from a stranger, much less your own teenager. What stands out for me as we came through to the other side of these challenges with the teen “alien” living in our house, the growth and maturity does come to light and it reveals the precious human you knew was inside them all along.

The blessings found in raising kids in this world far outweighs the challenges. Seeing them (eventually) turn into amazing young adults who reflect the values you have instilled in them is impossible to express in words. No matter what kind of control over your kids you think you do or don’t have, remember that they are God’s children and he’s got this. I like to think of this Bible verse: "In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.” Job 12:10 ESV

Whether you are in a calm, peaceful place in your child-raising years or you haven’t yet experienced a single rebellious act from a child, remember that when (not if, but when) it does happen, you are not alone. So many parents struggle with the harsh teenage behaviors silently because they are under some false assumption that no one else’s child could possibly be behaving this way. But the truth is there are probably many more people who are dealing with these difficult years within the walls of their own home.

I’ve been blessed to find a “moms of teens” bible study group this past year that I really wish I had 5 years ago when the hard things were starting to bubble up. If you have the support of other moms who you can confide in and ask advice of, then great. If you don’t then please make it a priority to find it. In my experience, church is a great place to start. If you haven’t heard about a “Titus 2 mom”, these are ladies who have raised their kids to adults and love to mentor moms during the stages of life that they “survived”. I am blessed to have a Titus mom in my bible study group who provides us with so much valuable guidance and I strive to be a Titus mom to friends who are raising children much younger than mine. The name Titus mom comes from the bible verse below.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:3-5, ESV