Let's Be Honest, Okay?

Let's be honest. You, like me, may look back regretfully at the choices we made in life related to balancing work life and family life, not to mention our friends, our worship, and whatever we see as most important. I don't really believe the term "balance" means much when it comes to how we live life. I prefer the term "margin", as it refers to the amount allowed beyond what is needed.

Just like in the pages of a book, it's much easier to read when there are clear margins. I read this in an article by Michael Hyatt and like how he stated it: "Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating. Margin is the opposite of overload." Wow, that's pretty much what we all strive for, right? Rested and breathing free sure sounds better than exhausted, suffocated and overloaded.

I would encourage anyone who is looking to create margin in life to remember that you are never replaceable at home, but you are definitely replaceable at your job. This doesn't mean to quit your job or make other dramatic life changes overnight, but it does mean you should reflect on what that job is doing for you and your mental health. If you are working simply to keep up with the Joneses, I can tell you that is not ever going to be an attainable goal.

This photo is of my precious family in 2016 soon after we had built our dream home. I started this message with saying I'd be honest, and to say that I allowed this house to become part of my identity would be an understatement. I loved the fact we were able to build this home and live there because of the hard work and time invested over many, many years. I designed the house plan myself and handed our architect an excel worksheet with all the spaces in the house planned out. You read that right, I can find endless uses for excel (ha, ha!).

The land this home was built on allowed me to fulfill my dream of having a lot of animals – goats, chickens, ducks, koi fish, rabbits, cats and dogs. The years we lived in this house were formative for our kids as well. They made so many memories there, and I was convinced that just as much as it was part of my identity, the house would remain part of my life for the long term. I didn't see a problem with the situation and no one could tell me otherwise.

I can admit now that the way I felt about this home was not a healthy perspective. I believe God knew I needed to learn a lesson about what is really important. Over time I was able to come to the realization that my identity has nothing to do with the house we live in or any possessions we have. In fact, it is so much better for us mentally to separate ourselves from our belongings and those labels that come along with them and understand the most important thing is a healthy state of mind and not what others think.

We came into this world with nothing and we'll leave it the same. Now I am not saying that everyone should live a minimalist lifestyle. Instead, it is important to not only have margin in our life, but we should have margin in our physical spaces. If there are more things to take care of in your life than you can actually enjoy, then take a step back and decide what you can let go of. I realized the size of that house was part of what caused me stress every day. There was too much to keep clean and way too many opportunities to ignore the clutter when it could be tucked away and out of sight.

I try to remind myself that life is meant to be lived and being in a state of contentment and a place of gratitude is the ultimate goal. Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from the mindset of wanting what you don't (or can't) have and enjoy life as it is right now. You can get there!