Where Confidence Comes From

My blog name “Humbly Confident” was not one I chose for myself, but was a suggestion by a dear friend. To hear her use those words to describe me built my confidence up and gave me the boost to move ahead with creating the blog.

It took me so long to find the confidence to believe in myself, what I stand for and how I want others to see me. I don’t want to go think about how many years I lacked confidence in myself. There’s really no reason for any of us to not be confident in who we are. God made us with a purpose and if we are still breathing he is still working in our life. I wish I had learned this lesson a long time ago.

If you could have seen me when I was young, you would have seen that I didn’t even speak to most people. I had a stubborn streak and sometimes showed that by refusing to communicate. Seriously, I didn’t talk at all. I could beat anyone at a silent game. When I was a little older, as in middle school and high school, I was still super shy. I talked to people but kept my friend circle very small.

I didn’t have any idea what I was missing out by not opening myself up to relationships with more people. I gradually came out of my shyness over the years and as I became an adult. I shifted into what was expected of me but I felt like I was acting in the role of an adult while worrying all the time what others thought of me.

If you’ve not heard the term before, the phrase “performance punishment” refers to a boss giving an employee who excels at their role more work than others simply because they can be trusted to do a good job. This can cause burnout if the worker doesn’t recognize and adjust this treatment. I pressed myself in my performance by continually staying busy with work and refusing to do less than my best, even when I needed to step away for my own mental health. I found weekends and holidays were so hard to relax because my accomplishments with work were so tightly tied to my satisfaction. I regret not seeing this sooner and taking a stand for myself when I knew that would have been the right thing to do.

During the crazy, hectic times in business I found myself lacking confidence as we hired people that I felt were more qualified and experienced. I forgot what I had to offer and I let others have the say so many times when I had plenty to contribute. It wasn’t until over a decade into the business that I took a stand for myself and my family and stepped away from what I felt was affecting my confidence the most. I didn’t know what it would mean to move my family two states away from the company headquarters but I knew I needed to take some time away to refocus. I needed to discover who I was outside of a career woman.

I didn’t know what was next but I knew I was doing the right thing and it gave me the confidence to believe in myself. I never looked back, but was able to adjust my role in the business and work remotely for the next 8 years before leaving to start something new. After 20 years in the same career and an opportunity to take a new path in life, I confidently decided it was time to choose time with my family over a title, to choose pride in myself over a paycheck and most importantly, choose to chase my own dreams.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:3-5, ESV